Are you “at effect” or “at cause” of your emotion? Be that stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, or something else?
And what exactly do I mean by that? And how does that affect your leadership skills?
I heard my business coach – Ryan Rieder – describe it this way:-
Imagine a tennis player, serving.
Being “at effect” of your emotion means that the emotion (let’s say anxiety) is controlling you. So, imagine that you are the tennis ball and your anxiety is the tennis racket. You are being directed (smacked on the arse) by the anxiety, passively, with no control.
When you are “at cause” of an emotion, instead of being the ball – you become the tennis player.
Suddenly, an image of control comes up. Directing the emotion where you can effectively use it.
Or hit it away.
Most people think that this is easier said than done. But is it really?
Let’s park that for a moment.
As a Business Owner, sometimes you have to have an uncomfortable conversation. Something that Ryan has taught me is that your success is in direct proportion to the uncomfortable conversations that you are prepared to have.
Which plays directly into one of the biggest fears people have…conflict.
Business owners can be afraid to say what needs to be said, or confront an issue – because “people might leave if I…[fill in the blank]”
But if you chose the alternative (which is turning a blind eye)…
…you are choosing to knowingly lose money!
And look, we’ve all done it. I’ve been as guilty as the next person for this. And let’s face it, this is probably happening in your business right now. With staff, with clients. Or both.
The reality is that, if someone does leave, no matter how “critical” you may have felt they were, you always look back and think…
“Phew. Why on earth didn’t I do that earlier?!”
It’s the build up to all this that can be so very uncomfortable. The anger or frustration you can feel about someone not doing their job properly. The anxiety that can come up when you think about having a conversation with them about this. That physical reaction you can have.
That there my friend is you being the ball.
Remember how I said you could be the tennis player and hit that away or use it?
Most “normal” people don’t like bringing something up that may cause conflict. It can feel scary and threatening. And your body reacts accordingly by throwing you into a stress response.
When you are in a stress response you lose your ability to engage the sensible part of your brain. You operate entirely from your emotion based hind or reptilian brain.
You have been hijacked.
This means you are unable to be calm, rational, quick thinking, logical. Whilst at the same time being super effective at not being able to articulate clearly, getting defensive and reactive, making the whole thing generally much worse.
(This also carries over into your personal relationships. When you say that thing you don’t mean and have no idea why you said it and now you’re in the dog house. If you’re lucky.)
What if you could reclaim your sensible brain by turning off your stress response? And do it quickly?
Want to know how?
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll send you a free gift about it!
To Tapping Into Your Personal Power