Here’s the thing nobody talks about when they’re “just trying to make a sensible decision.”
It’s rarely about the decision.
On a recent 1:1 call, a client came to me torn between two career paths.
On paper it looked practical. Employed role…or entrepreneurship.
But tangled up inside that were finances, parental expectations, health, partner dynamics, location.
All very intelligent.
Very responsible.
Very sensible.
And completely paralysing.
Because the “right” decision had to be made.
Within twenty minutes, it was clear this wasn’t about jobs.
It was about this:
“If I do better, faster, easier than my parents…am I a bad daughter?”
Not consciously.
Consciously she was strategic. Thoughtful. Analytical.
Unconsciously? Loyal.
They struggled.
They worked hard.
They earned it the “right” way.
So who is she to skip ahead?
And if she does…does that make her ungrateful? Disloyal? Arrogant?
But we didn’t stop there.
I challenged the part of her that kept looking at me for validation.
“Can you tell me which option is better?”
No.
Because the moment I validate her decision, I reinforce the belief that she isn’t the authority in her own life.
But the real blind spot was the rule she didn’t know she was living by:
If I grow beyond them, I lose them.
We questioned the safety narrative too.
She kept saying, “I just need to feel safe first.”
Safe from what?
From upsetting people.
From being seen as selfish.
From out-earning her parents.
From being “too much”.
Her nervous system had wired success to loss of love.
If I get bigger, I will upset people.
If I upset people, I will lose love.
If I lose love, I am not safe.
That’s not business strategy.
That’s survival coding.
We also dismantled the financial assumption running quietly in the background:
That struggle equals virtue.
That ease equals cheating.
That earning quickly is morally suspicious.
And we exposed the emotional responsibility pattern – the belief that her actions directly control how other people feel.
If I choose differently, I am letting them down.
No.
Other people choose how they respond.
But when you’ve built your identity around being the good one…it doesn’t feel that way.
This is what 1:1 does that DIY courses, podcasts and Instagram advice can’t reach.
Because your blind spot feels like logic when you’re inside it.
You don’t need more information.
You need someone who can see the pattern you’re organised around and name it.
Not manage it.
Not soothe it.
Name it.
By the end of the call she wasn’t “fixed”.
She was no longer outsourcing her authority.
She stopped asking me what she should do.
She decided.
Calmly.
Clearly.
Without needing permission.
That’s the difference.
If you’re overthinking something that should be simple…
If you keep circling decisions you already know the answer to…
If you’re waiting to feel safe enough before you expand…
It’s probably not about the decision.
It’s about the identity you’re unconsciously protecting.
And most people don’t realise they’re still living by rules they never consciously agreed to.
Cheers
Claire x
Tapping Into Your Personal Power
