businessowner

Ever notice how one small thing going wrong in your business can suddenly feel…personal?

A post flops.
A launch doesn’t sell.
Someone questions your work.

And before you know it your brain isn’t thinking:

“Ah, that didn’t work.”

It’s thinking:

“There’s something wrong with me.”

That belief runs deeper — and darker — than most people realise.

Because the mind doesn’t just interpret events.

It interprets what those events mean about you.

And one of the most destructive meanings we attach is this:

“I am wrong.”

Not “I did something wrong.”
Not “that didn’t work.”

Just…

I am wrong.

Once that belief is in place, the mind tends to deal with it in two very different ways.

The First Response: Compensation

If the mind believes “I am wrong” but still thinks that might be fixable, it compensates.

This is where you start to see patterns like:

People pleasing
Over-delivering
Perfectionism
Overthinking every decision

The internal logic goes something like this:

“If I work harder…”
“If I get it right this time…”
“If people approve of me…”

…maybe I can prove I’m not wrong after all.

So the person pushes.

They try to earn their place.

They try to prove themselves.

It’s exhausting, but they’re still in the game.

They’re still trying.

When the Belief Hardens

Over time, something can shift.

The belief stops being something you think, and becomes something you are.

“I am wrong.”

Not as an idea.

As an identity.

And when that happens, the behaviour changes completely.

Because if you are wrong…what exactly are you trying to fix?

You can improve behaviour.

But behaviour doesn’t resolve identity.

So the mind does something very human.

It aligns behaviour with the identity.

Not consciously.

But inevitably.

The Darker Turn

Once someone believes they are wrong as a person, the logic becomes:

“If I’m wrong anyway…what’s the point?”

And this is where things can take a darker turn.

Instead of overcompensating, people often start to lean into it.

They pull back from opportunities.

They hesitate just as things start working.

They sabotage momentum.

They let their business drift instead of really going for it.

Not because they’re lazy.

Not because they lack discipline.

But because the nervous system is trying to keep the world coherent.

If the identity is “I’m wrong”…

…then success becomes threatening.

Because success would contradict the identity.

And identity always wins.

Why Some People Keep Pushing…And Others Stop

This is why you’ll see two very different responses to the same belief.

Some people push themselves relentlessly.

Others quietly stop trying.

Very often they both started with the same belief:

“I am wrong.”

One person compensates.

The other eventually collapses into it.

Neither response is actually based on truth.

The Question That Changes Everything

Let’s slow down for a moment.

Is it actually true that you are wrong?

Not that you’ve made mistakes.

Everyone has.

But that you, as a human being, are fundamentally wrong?

You won’t find that written anywhere in your body.

It’s not in your DNA.

It’s not stamped on your nervous system.

It’s a story the mind learned to tell.

A story that once made sense to a younger version of you.

But a story nonetheless.

What Happens When the Story Starts to Dissolve

When the belief loosens — even slightly — something shifts.

You don’t need to spend your life compensating.

And you don’t need to give up either.

You just get to be human.

Which means sometimes you’ll get things wrong.

But you won’t be.

A Moment From a Client Session

One of my clients recently dissolved this belief during a session.

Her exact words were:

“This is like a natural high going on right here… I’m buzzing my tits off!”

Which, frankly, I think deserves to go on a T-shirt!

If this article hit a nerve, it’s probably because the pattern isn’t theoretical.

It’s something you’ve felt.

The good news?

Beliefs that were learned can also be dissolved.

And when they are, the shift can feel…well…

Like a natural high.

Claire x

Tapping Into Your Personal Power

Are you “at effect” or “at cause” of your emotion? Be that stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, or something else?

And what exactly do I mean by that? And how does that affect your leadership skills?

I heard my business coach – Ryan Rieder – describe it this way:-

Imagine a tennis player, serving.

Being “at effect” of your emotion means that the emotion (let’s say anxiety) is controlling you. So, imagine that you are the tennis ball and your anxiety is the tennis racket. You are being directed (smacked on the arse) by the anxiety, passively, with no control.

When you are “at cause” of an emotion, instead of being the ball – you become the tennis player.

Suddenly, an image of control comes up. Directing the emotion where you can effectively use it.

Or hit it away.

Most people think that this is easier said than done. But is it really?

Let’s park that for a moment.

As a Business Owner, sometimes you have to have an uncomfortable conversation. Something that Ryan has taught me is that your success is in direct proportion to the uncomfortable conversations that you are prepared to have.

Which plays directly into one of the biggest fears people have…conflict.

Business owners can be afraid to say what needs to be said, or confront an issue – because “people might leave if I…[fill in the blank]”

But if you chose the alternative (which is turning a blind eye)…

…you are choosing to knowingly lose money!

And look, we’ve all done it. I’ve been as guilty as the next person for this. And let’s face it, this is probably happening in your business right now. With staff, with clients. Or both.

The reality is that, if someone does leave, no matter how “critical” you may have felt they were, you always look back and think…

“Phew. Why on earth didn’t I do that earlier?!”

It’s the build up to all this that can be so very uncomfortable. The anger or frustration you can feel about someone not doing their job properly. The anxiety that can come up when you think about having a conversation with them about this. That physical reaction you can have.

That there my friend is you being the ball.

Remember how I said you could be the tennis player and hit that away or use it?

Most “normal” people don’t like bringing something up that may cause conflict. It can feel scary and threatening. And your body reacts accordingly by throwing you into a stress response.

When you are in a stress response you lose your ability to engage the sensible part of your brain. You operate entirely from your emotion based hind or reptilian brain.

You have been hijacked.

This means you are unable to be calm, rational, quick thinking, logical. Whilst at the same time being super effective at not being able to articulate clearly, getting defensive and reactive, making the whole thing generally much worse.

(This also carries over into your personal relationships. When you say that thing you don’t mean and have no idea why you said it and now you’re in the dog house. If you’re lucky.)

What if you could reclaim your sensible brain by turning off your stress response? And do it quickly?

Want to know how?

Contact me at info@claire-turner.com and I’ll send you a free gift about it!

To Tapping Into Your Personal Power