Fulfilment

You are in the right place if…

What is your lack of confidence (or excess of self doubt) stopping you from doing?

What would you love to achieve but don’t believe you can?

What does that little inner voice tell you about yourself?

So many people are afraid. Afraid of standing out. Afraid of failure. Afraid that they’re just not good enough. Afraid of never achieving “success” – but equally afraid of what will happen if they DO!

That is a crippling amount of FEAR…or F*@k Everything And Run!

What if you could turn that around into Face Everything And Rise?

Fear Of What Others Think

Anyone who says they don’t care what other people think of them is lying. On some level we ALL care about what others think about us. Being liked, fitting in, is a basic survival strategy.

What they might mean, however, is that they don’t let the fear of what others think stop them from reaching for their goals.

Other people have a big impact on us and how we live our lives. We can allow negative comments or situations to undermine our self esteem – which impacts our success.

We are not born worrying about what others think of us. Instead we learn this as we grow older and become aware of ourselves and our “place” in the society around us. When you’re little you don’t give a monkey’s about what other people think! Have you ever seen a toddler decide to not have a temper tantrum on the supermarket floor because of what the people around them might think?! No!

It’s the things people have said to us, their reactions to us, that start to form this fear in our minds.

Fear Of Failure

When we are babies, just learning how to walk, we are encouraged and praised – even when we fall down, or “fail”.

Somehow, somewhere, this encouragement stops and instead, if we get something wrong, we’re penalised. Laughed at. Made to feel stupid.

We might vow to ourselves to never feel that way ever again.

And so we stop trying. We stop taking risks. We stop attempting things. We stop ourselves for reaching for our goals because there’s a chance we might fail.

Fear of failing is the primary reason we don’t go for things we want. And hot on its heels is the worry of what others will think of us – not only what they’ll think if we fail, but also what they’ll think if we succeed!

Only humans get tied up like this!

What would happen if you WEREN’T afraid of failure?

If you could never fail – what would you do?

Your Inner Voice

Fear of failing and fear of what others think is instilled in us at an early age – and it’s memories of events that reinforce this (and, importantly, how we were made to feel) and that puts the brakes on. Those brakes come in the form of an inner voice that pipes up with unhelpful opinions, such as “I’m not good enough/pretty enough/smart enough” or “Who am I to achieve this?” or “What if it all goes wrong?”

If you are reading this thinking “Well I don’t have that inner voice….” THAT’S the voice I’m talking about!

This voice is really just trying to keep you safe and some of the time it’s beneficial. For instance, “Don’t walk down that dark alley!” is a GREAT piece of advice you’re giving to yourself regarding a real threat to your safety! But sometimes the voice can become confused about what is a REAL threat and what is a PERCEIVED threat.

What do I mean by that?

Well, a REAL threat is something that endangers your very existence – risk to life and limb. A PERCEIVED threat initiates unwarranted stress and anxiety, but doesn’t endanger your life. Here’s the thing though, the part of your brain that is in charge of keeping you safe may not always be able to tell the difference – so will react to a perceived threat exactly the same way it would to a real threat. Cue increased heart rate, shallow breathing – all the fight/flight responses our body goes through. Also cue the inner voice, steering you away from getting too close to the edges of your comfort zone. Stopping you from achieving your best.

There are three things that go towards convincing the brain that a perceived threat is actually a real threat and that it needs to keep you safe:

1. Events – experiences from the past that are still impacting you in a negative manner
2. Beliefs – beliefs or stories that have been created as a result of Events or the beliefs of people around us
3. Emotions – usually caused by Events and reinforced by Beliefs. Emotions are often key in self sabotaging behaviour. Ever said to yourself that you’re going to leave your job and start your own business/find a new job? But then fear of failing kicks in – supported by a memory of an Event in the past when you “failed” and backed up by a Belief that you’re not good enough (that was a result of the Event) – and you find all sorts of reasons to stay put. Even though you are really unhappy?